Etiquette of the Lolita Meet-up

Meet-ups are a central part of a Lolita community, and a Western phenomenon that developed outside of Japan. One thing I've encountered with a new Lolita is their desire to jump right into their local community and attend meet-ups or host their own. However, their enthusiasm is usually crushed by insecurity, shyness, self doubt, or the worry that they will be stepping on the toes of more established members.

It's normal to feel that way and it isn't easy to find your niche in a community that has already been created and has been existing for several years before you joined. I hope I can give you some helpful advice in hosting and attending your local meet ups.




Basic Etiquette for Hosting

• Always follow the rules of the community you have joined regarding the creation or attendance of meets. For example, in my local community, we prefer if you check with the hostess before bringing a guest that isn't a member of the community.
• Be reliable
• Don't be late to your own meet
• It helps if you open a line of communication, such as a phone number
• If you're eating somewhere, be sure to provide, in the description of the meet, whether it's vegetarian friendly, gluten free, etc
• Be aware of when others are hosting events and pick a day that is free. If you feel that yours has to be a set date, send the other hostess a message and discuss it with her. She might be able to reschedule, and if she can't, respect it. Either compromise a reschedule, or have two meets on one day and let people choose.

Basic Etiquette for Attending

• If you have a problem with the restaurant/venue, especially for a large event, go through the proper channels. It is super rude to bypass the hostess to complain or request special things from a restaurant or venue. Let her know, calmly and politely, what your needs are. Do not assume she already knows your needs, don't feign an emergency situation(like if you eat gluten you have to go to the hospital), and if she can't meet your needs you can politely ask for a refund and not attend the event. That's it. No one is under any obligation to cater to you specifically.
• If you plan on making a big announcement, let the hostess know. Even if it's super secret, tell her that you plan on making one, just don't say what. It can be frustrating if you're trying to make the whole day go smoothly(especially if there is a schedule) if someone suddenly demands speaking time and the attention of the whole room. 
• Fashionably late is only a thing at large parties. If people are waiting on you to move to the next venue, it's rude to be late. From my experience, I've waited on people for a few hours. Not fun. Don't be surprised if they move on without you.
• If you have something to say that isn't so nice, wait until you leave to say it. The car is usually a safe place, not the bathroom. You never know who will be listening.
• Be self aware and aware of the others around you. No one likes an attention hog.
• If you don't plan on attending a meet, or you aren't paying close attention to it anyway, don't RSVP "yes". In most situations it is totally okay to put "maybe". Don't be a flake or a phony.
• In public places, act with decorum. People already assume some crazy things about you because of what you're wearing. This probably isn't the time to loudly state the names of genitals.
• The hostess is allowed to set a dress code, if you wish to attend do your best to respect it. If there is something hindering you from completely following it, let the hostess know and ask for her thoughts. 
• Note: For clarity, if the meet is strictly Lolita, but all you have is Dolly Kei, etc.
• If you slip up and feel you have been rude, privately apologize to the person, or people, you think you've wronged. Own your actions and take responsibility. 

Basically, if you're honest, genuine, and keep others in mind, you shouldn't have a problem. Thanks for reading! <3 Lunette